I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
