he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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