I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
