this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
