Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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