Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
