Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
