Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
