How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
