my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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