I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
