I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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