2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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