I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
