I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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