She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
