I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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