need another drink. this is the easiest way
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
