She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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