i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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