"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize