Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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