I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
