I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
