I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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