So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
