it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
