Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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