He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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