He had one of those small greek statue penises
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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