Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
