break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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