your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
