I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
