She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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