you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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