all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
