We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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