unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
