My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
