I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
