you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
