Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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