one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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