I wish my penis had an off switch
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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