You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
