oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
