Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
