Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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