Me too!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
