i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
